By The elephant
The scene opens up on The Monkey’s home branch where he has begrudgingly prepared me his favorite array of fruits. The setting sun colors the forest orange and the oranges become oranger as if they knew that they were The Monkey’s newest preferred fruity delicacy…
The Elephant: So Monkey, I hear that you have moved on to oranges. What happened to your old favorite the banana?
The Monkey: Old news Elephant, old news. Oranges have many more nutritional contents and variations than bananas. I mean, they have Vitamin C for goodness sake! Also, a banana just sort of loses its charm after an insolent little girl makes you wear the peel like a hat. It took months to get the smell off of me. I get nauseous just thinking about it.
TE: Months? Why not just go down to the lake and take a bath in the waterfall with the fishes?
TM: Because fish smell bad n’ my dad he gets fishes an’
TE: You’re repeating a verse from page Monkey.
TM: Oh. I love that page.
TE: Can’t imagine why.
TM: Anyway, back to your question. ME?!? Take a bath with the fishes?!? To remove an odor?? Fish is to smell like monkey is to sophistication.
TE: So is that why you left that banana peel hat on your head for all those months?
TM: Well, yeah. I kind of got attached to it. Or vice versa. I mean the girl had her stupid stuffed Anaconda, I wanted something, too. Actually, I was pretty upset when my banana peel completely decomposed. Talk about a bad hair day! I felt empty and sad. That’s when I turned to television to distract me.
TE: Distract you from what?
TM: Feeling BAD. Banana Attachment Disorder, that is.
TE: Yes, that’s BAD all right. So, what about your other hobbies? Like poker and trumpet playing and solo dancing at the beach discotheques with The Parrot?
TM: None of that seemed to matter anymore. Not until one day when someone, I’m not sure who, hammered some sense into me. Parrot finally did get me free from the tree branch, but that’s when I realized it. As I pointed with my index at my punctured tail I noticed something horrible.
TE: Something horrible?! Oooo. Do tell.
TM: Yes. I shall. As I gazed at my lithe finger I realized that it was hideous. I needed a manicure! And that’s what got me going again. The simple act of filing my nails. I shall never forget that day.
TE: Life’s simple pleasures, eh Monkey? What happened next?
TM: Well, my cousin asked me to monkeysit his kids and those little buggers gave both me and Parrot lice … and ever since I get these occasional odd mood swings.
TE: What kind of mood swings?
TM: What kind of mood swings?? Have you been listening, Ellie?? I had lice! 100% certified organic head lice! That’s a big deal for a monkey. I suspect it was the ferret. I can only hope that we passed them on to that insolent girl. The hours of grooming! You have no idea. Anyway, it takes extra long for me to get rid of them because bathing with the fishes is beneath a monkey of my social position. Now. Back to those mood swings …
TE: Ahhhh….yes, well, look at the time, Monkey! It’s been really lice! I mean nice! No, no, please, no hugging, I’m more of a high-five kind of mammal. Yes, yes, just like that, yeah, I only touch pinkies, more of a high one, HA! Okay, okay, well hope everyone is itching to read my next interview! Bye!